i havent feel the urgh to write anything for a long long long time.

Always, when i am having down period, i can always do something about it. Its either i can get up on my feet to make the situation better, or the very least i could do is to cheer myself up.

This time round, I cant. I cannot make the situation better and much worse.. i feel worse by the minute.

He left me again. This time he's really angry. So much as I wanted to run to his place, give him a hug and tell him that i love no one but him.. I cant.

It's 20th apr once more. I can still clearly rmb last year, we got into a tiff of some silly stuffs. And i walked out of his place. He ignored me, and all i did was throw my princess tantrum around. After that I made call to someone whom i knew he would be angry after he found out.. I do not know why i did that. perhaps, i just want to find comfort, jus want someone to coax me as he is not willing to. At night, thou he was not happy, he still invited me to his place for his birthday celebration with his family. I was really touched then...

At night, he send me home in our BMW bike, and I brought down the awful cheesecake that I made for him. We played with splarkers like little kids and he rode me up and down my neighbourhood. We really really had so much fun..

Months after he found out about the call. He was so angry at me. Honestly, i dun understand why, as i did no unto things to him. I m still wholly loving him still. I hate that he doesnt let me talk to my friends and go out with them.

Every single time we quarrelled, he would come back to me. I always take him for granted. Perhaps that's wat i am. Always taking things for granted.. Why cant i cherish things properly? WHY? WHY AM I ALWAYS SO SPOILED!!!

why must i wait til when everything is over then sit alone,wallowing in self pity, and do NOTHING BUT JUST CRY?! WHY CANNOT I CHERISH THINGS, DO THINGS PROPERLY??? HUH?

WHY AM I SUCH A SCREWED UP PERSON FOR GOODNESS SAKE?!

NOW IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY ONCE MROE. HE SWITCH OFF HIS PHONE, WHY CANOT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT HE DOESNT WANT YOU TO RUIN HIS DAY AGAIN. BECAUSE YOU ARE A DESTROYER, YOU!


hate yourself, jinhui. hate yourself..
your bf doesnt want you on his birthday coz you will destroy it.
you are really a joke.
you r not the pathetic one. coz whoever who meets you are the one unlucky.
pls.. jus dun meet anyone else alr. becoz, you cant bring anyone happiness.