i just feel you slipping away from me again.. ..

but just after these 3 days of happiness.. i guess that's enough..
let it be. let it be..
it's all yours to choose.
i'll leave it all up to fate.

bao bei, if i never tell you before.
you are so very special.. lovelove.
just be happy, okay?

it's true that if you canot love yourself, how can you love others.

i haben been loving myself for a long long time.
and i've forgotten how to.

i love you, but i also made the mistake of possessing you.
shall learn that to love you is see you happy.

i wish everything will be well for you.
if you want to talk, i'd surely be always here.
if you don't, pls dun ever think i m drama-ing again.
coz .. i m not the self-proclaimed princess previously alr.
i understands. when i said i do, this time i really do.

i dont have telepathy, i cant know how are you feeling and what the exact details you are gg thru now.
but i can be just there if you need that support.
coz for once, you would want to burst to someone, who wun burst you back.
i can be there for you to burst, and not blast you back.

don't ask me to ignore you now.
i wun.
coz now is not the time.
if after all your troubles,
you still decide to ask me to ignore you.
i will, coz that is the time, you would make the correct decision.
til then, i'll have nth to say except to just accept.

til then i can then accept the fact that it's not working out.
instead of telling myself that it's becoz of other stress that you are facing..

til then, i will be patiently, rationally, clear-headedly there for you.
i promise.
the once-self-proclaimed princess is history..

jinhui. jinhui... it's time for you to grow up.. to really really grow up..

are you considering our relationship now..
are you beginining to slowly loathe me bit by bit..
do you dislike me alr..
are you begining to feel that without me by your side.. you feel lighter?

is that so?
are you beginning to think of life without me?
those images of your future.. do they consist of me?

am i gonna fall out of love again?
am i gonna be all alone in this world agian..

did i really hurt u so so much?
i m sorry...

there. see, you did it AGAIN!
MY, why can't you ever USE your brain before doing or saying ANYTHING?!
is this chicken pox thing attacking your brain?
look, i know you are trying to make things better. how come you whenever you try to do sth, the result often goes the other way instead.

why? i just want things to be happy.
i merely want to be happy, that's all.
i just wan to meet the person i loved and missed dearly.

so? can't you understand that no one is AS FREE AS YOU?
ppl have things to be busy with.
like sch and work.
ppl dont have the time to bother with you.
you are just someone who have nth better to do.
and too much brain power to waste.
and nth to occupy yourself with.
.....

i just want you to love me.
to love me, tt's all i ask..
i just want us to be happy like we used to.
but it seems to be further and further away from me.
i dun wan it to leave.
i dun wan you to leave.
but yet everytime, the more i wan someone to stay, the further the person will go.
am i really that bad a person?
am i?
why is it that i cannot make anyone happy in my whole life?
am i jjust the carrier of sadness?
you jus told me to leave. i know i should not cry, but i canot help it.
the tears jus flow out.
i know you r sick of my drama and crying.... i canot help it..
to love seems so hard.
to be loved seems even harder...

i love you, do you still even like me?

i havent feel the urgh to write anything for a long long long time.

Always, when i am having down period, i can always do something about it. Its either i can get up on my feet to make the situation better, or the very least i could do is to cheer myself up.

This time round, I cant. I cannot make the situation better and much worse.. i feel worse by the minute.

He left me again. This time he's really angry. So much as I wanted to run to his place, give him a hug and tell him that i love no one but him.. I cant.

It's 20th apr once more. I can still clearly rmb last year, we got into a tiff of some silly stuffs. And i walked out of his place. He ignored me, and all i did was throw my princess tantrum around. After that I made call to someone whom i knew he would be angry after he found out.. I do not know why i did that. perhaps, i just want to find comfort, jus want someone to coax me as he is not willing to. At night, thou he was not happy, he still invited me to his place for his birthday celebration with his family. I was really touched then...

At night, he send me home in our BMW bike, and I brought down the awful cheesecake that I made for him. We played with splarkers like little kids and he rode me up and down my neighbourhood. We really really had so much fun..

Months after he found out about the call. He was so angry at me. Honestly, i dun understand why, as i did no unto things to him. I m still wholly loving him still. I hate that he doesnt let me talk to my friends and go out with them.

Every single time we quarrelled, he would come back to me. I always take him for granted. Perhaps that's wat i am. Always taking things for granted.. Why cant i cherish things properly? WHY? WHY AM I ALWAYS SO SPOILED!!!

why must i wait til when everything is over then sit alone,wallowing in self pity, and do NOTHING BUT JUST CRY?! WHY CANNOT I CHERISH THINGS, DO THINGS PROPERLY??? HUH?

WHY AM I SUCH A SCREWED UP PERSON FOR GOODNESS SAKE?!

NOW IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY ONCE MROE. HE SWITCH OFF HIS PHONE, WHY CANOT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT HE DOESNT WANT YOU TO RUIN HIS DAY AGAIN. BECAUSE YOU ARE A DESTROYER, YOU!


hate yourself, jinhui. hate yourself..
your bf doesnt want you on his birthday coz you will destroy it.
you are really a joke.
you r not the pathetic one. coz whoever who meets you are the one unlucky.
pls.. jus dun meet anyone else alr. becoz, you cant bring anyone happiness.